Almost 2 months ago I traveled across the country for the second time. Much like the first time I made the move because there were some things in my life that desperately needed to change. The first time was because I needed to change how I was living my life, while the second time is because I had become stagnant in that lifestyle. Now I’m wondering if being stagnant wasn’t so bad.
I have moved back to Virginia, the state from which I moved from initially, and have settled in to an apartment a little south of my office in wonderful Old Town Alexandria. My office is great and it’s nice to be surrounded by so many great places to visit. My drive to work is a few miles longer than the more direct path along Route 1, but I consider that to be a small price to pay since the scenery along the George Washington Parkway past Mount Vernon is quite beautiful. And my office is right on the Potomac so I get to see the water every day. I’m finally able to get back to doing what I enjoy doing at work, and it’s in a great office environment with some great people. From a work standpoint I’m exactly where I need to be, and I could be even further along had I never left this area to begin with.
But there is something missing. A social life that I had in San Diego is no longer as available to me here. I’ve traded a somewhat stagnant (but active) social life in San Diego for an even more stagnant (and dormant) one back in the DC area. The rediscovery that nobody in this area really likes to (or can) hang out during the week is disheartening for sure. Socializing is left for the weekends and my weekends have no been spent here but elsewhere for reasons that I’ll keep to myself. This weekend was the only weekend that I’ve had available so far to hang out locally and it’s been less than successful due to poor planning on my part; forgetting how slow traveling the DC Metro can be, underestimating the time that it takes to travel everywhere, lounging around the apartment longer than I should have, etc. Getting around just isn’t as easy as it is San Diego.
“Starting over” the way I am is proving to be much more uncomfortable than I had predicted. I miss San Diego. I miss my friends there. The reality that I am not here visiting just for the Holidays is hitting me and the mini panic attacks that I keep having are having an effect on my mood. I’m counting on the feelings that I’m having to go away because while I have them I will be an extremely unhappy person. Today I started to give in to the thoughts that I’ve been fighting off for the last several weeks. Fighting the thoughts that I’ve made a terrible mistake by coming here, and questioning my reasons. My reasons for coming here are valid so those aren’t even arguable, but somehow I’ve managed to try.
This was meant to be a positive experience and I’m determined to make it one. I won’t let my current frame of mind get the best of me. Some serious changes have to be made in order to make this change that I’ve made work.