2010 has been quite the year so far. Not in an outwardly recognizable good way (another way of saying it’s been shitty), but very possibly more than I realize. As in the past several years when I have made changes to my life out of necessity or out of choice, this year has not been any different. Though my changes this year may be closer to the third possibility which would be “choices out of necessity”. Doesn’t make sense? Just think about it, it’ll come to you.
These haven’t been easy decisions to come to especially because of the subjects: friends, loved ones, family, employment, and an overall look at my life situation. It’s never been easy for me to say “goodbye” to anyone and this year has not been any different. Out of self-preservation and desire for sanity I’ve abandoned two important people in my life already and it’s only March – one because I don’t care enough, the other because I care entirely too much. Later this year I’ll probably be saying “see ya later” (as opposed to “goodbye”) to my two oldest friends – my best friend since college is moving to Japan, and another friend of 11 years might be moving to Colorado. My job has become more like a prison where I get paid instead of it feeling like an actual career. After 2009’s paycuts and lack of raises and bonuses I’ve felt that I need to leave. Add to the equation a lack of upward mobility and the answer is quite clear.
I can’t help but feel like a transplanted organ that’s been rejected by it’s new host. California has always felt like home to me, but it’s let me know in more ways than one that I don’t quite fit in here. San Diego is fantastic and to move someplace else is hard to imagine, though not not impossible. Orange County and Los Angeles are options, but I fit in to those places even less than San Diego. The people, the mentalities, the traffic, the expenses…shit, I just don’t know anymore.
When all of these things are added up it becomes evident that if I’m not going to adapt to how things are here then it might be time to move on. My job is fairly stable (I’ve survived ALL of my company’s layoffs since 9/11) and I’ve proven myself to be a commodity in my office. And now it seems to be the only thing keeping me here in San Diego. When someone you love wants nothing to do with you, your best friends are leaving, you’re in a job with no chance for advancement, and the whole state is going Hell then what’s left?
Time for a new adventure. The ball is rolling…